I have to wake up everyone in a 5 mile radius by banging on my door with blocks and screaming “Maaaaaa-maaaaaa, daaaaa-daaaa, out NOW, out!” Then I demand a sippy with loud smacking noises and pulling of hair. When they leave to get the sippy, I jump on the bed after tossing off all the pillows and turning on all the lights. Then I take the top off the full sippy cup and toss it up into the air. I was sure to make the requisite cutie pie face afterward to avoid dire consequences.
Now, I proceed to fill my diaper with poop. I’ve been storing it up all night just for this occasion, so that I can not only create a stench, but make it leak out of the diaper around the legs and out the top. This means that they give in much sooner to my demands of “wa-wa, mist, shower, now!” Of course, once I’m in the shower, I refuse to be washed, who wants soap in their eyes?! I must be cuddled and held, so that the one in the shower cannot do anything but pay attention to me and my octopus arms that reach for everything in the shower.
Once I am removed from the shower and toweled down, I must take off running and squealing, getting as far away from the diaper and any other clothes as possible. If they do catch me, I must wiggle and flop and twist to make it near impossible for them to clothe me. Glorious freedom! Once I am finally clothed, I must pull at every item of clothing to make sure it cannot be removed (worth a try, right?).
Now for breakfast – more sippy milk right now, please, and a waffle. I don’t want to wait for it to cook, I think that if you are holding the waffle, it should be hot, I shouldn’t have to wait for a toaster and everyone should definitely sit by the toaster and wait, so that I can have it the instant it pops up. I don’t know why they don’t figure this out, in spite of my screaming and pulling and yelling at them.
Finally, a glorious waffle, a cold sippy, off to destroy the couch and dismantle all the toys that my parents put away last night (why do they bother?). Later this week I will tell you about another part of my day – my mommy says I need to get outside right now and enjoy the sunshine.